the unleashed deb

Tears stream down my face.
Overcome with many emotions.
Angry, sad, pain, exhaustion.
Tired. Feels like I’ve been fighting my way out of quicksand for 10 years. Usually I have a ninja spirit, ready to conquer any challenge.
But then there are some days like this that I give up. I have nothing left in me to fight. No energy. No passion. Nothing.
So I let go and let God.

To and from grade school we walked.
A life-long friendship developed as we talked.
A year older than me, I naturally looked up to you.
You gracefully guided me, it’s true.
You introduced me to church and His teaching.
You taught me how to be, without preaching.
As life got busy we drifted apart.
Through all those years you were always in my heart.
I wouldn’t be me without you.
The foundation you gave is my world view.
Face to face, across the miles, or wherever.
You will be my soul sister forever.

My 6 year old great-niece is visiting this week during her Christmas break. Since I have been making a lot of home made soups for myself lately, today she asked if I would make her hot dog soup. After we laughed for several minutes, I thought, “why not?”

I’m calling it:
HOT DIGGITY DOG SOUP
1 Onion
3 Garlic cloves
2 stalks Celery
2 Bay leaf
1 box Chicken stock
3 fresh tomatoes
Green beans (frozen didn’t have fresh)
3 Corn off the cob
4 bacon strips cooked and cut up
1 can pinto beans
6-7 red potatoes
1 package angus beef hot dogs
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1/2 teaspoon Chili Powder (adjust to liking)
(I would have added carrots but Mia said no lol)
Add water as needed to have the soup as runny or thick as you like.
This was surprisingly tasty. Enjoy!

There are writers who write for purpose. As in writing a novel or writing a sports article. There’s logic and reasoning, planning and much forethought into writing for purpose.
I, on the other hand, write what I’m feeling at the moment or to describe an emotion. I write with no direction in mind. I absorb feelings and emotions from the world around me and try my best to translate it into words. You see, words are a foreign language to me. What I think and feel is not in English, Spanish or French. It took me a lifetime of feeling misunderstood to recognize that that my problem is in the translation. I am handicapped in that I struggle with finding the words to describe the thoughts, feelings and expressions in my mind.

Maybe the rainbow I see is a reflection of me. The colors I see are really a view of how I see the world. In dark moments I see shades of gray. In brighter moments I see a vibrant array of all colors. My relationships are usually in high definition color. But there are times they are blurry and fading. Maybe it’s my world view that creates this in and out of focus feeling. There are people of all colors, and I’m not referring to race. Rather their inner beauty and how they radiate this beauty. It’s how I view them. Their are ones who shine brighter than others. It must be a mixture of how I view the world and how brightly they shine. Some shine so bright that they spread light onto me. That’s the best type of person to have in ones life. They feel like the warm sun shining on your face on crisp autumn morning. They are the mist from the sea spraying on you on a warm summer day. They are platinum gold friends who you hold dear to your heart forever and always.

I don’t know why but some people who in all appearances are good people have a cruel streak about them. It’s hard sometimes to like them and be nice. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism they use to survive and/or cope. Maybe it’s a tool they use to try and control others around them. It’s sometimes difficult to stay focused on ones own spirit of treating others with love, kindness and respect when continually blasted with negativity. To eliminate all negative influences might be eliminating all people. So maybe the huge life challenge is to continue with the motto of treating others how you want to be treated despite their behavior. Finding a balance of acceptance versus abuse. Seems like such a fine line to weigh. I believe that finding that balance for oneself is the key to survival for us sensitive souls.

The leaf once golden and rust.
Now blows in the wind, crumbled to dust.
Time is frozen in the winter frost.
Fleeting moments and memories are forever lost.